I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize