He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
