Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
