I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
