hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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