you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
