Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
