last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
