she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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