Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
