we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
