i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize