I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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