I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
