what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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