My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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