Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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