It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
