The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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