Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
