I smell stomach acid.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
