i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
