So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
