remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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