Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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