Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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