Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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