and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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