And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need water and some morals
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
