I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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