when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
