Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
