Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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