i don't plan on having that self control this summer
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
