Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
