i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is wine microwaveable?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
