I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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