There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
