Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize