Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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