Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
