He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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