Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
