you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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