he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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