Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
