She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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