I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
