Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
