I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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