reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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