So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
