So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
