It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my being single is dangerous.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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