Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
