the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love having hate sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
