Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize