I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
