We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
