we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just gargled with NyQuil
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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