remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
